We Were Meant To Live For So Much More

The Freak Can't Sleep.
Yeah. It's 12.08 A.M. as I'm typing this.
The night staff [my "wardens"] usually forget about me,
since I'm only depressed, I don't throw violent fits like most of the people here.
But sometimes it'd be nice to get a little attention.
Sorry for complaining, but I feel rather suckish tonight.
I've been sick for the last 3 days,
just when I thought I was coming to an emotional breakthrough.
So much for not being afraid anymore.
I am scared out of my freaking mind.
I sent off the check to my college-of-choice today.
The directory where I found it says
"About 85% of people are accepted."
It would tear me apart to be one of those 15% who receive a rejection letter.
I applied to another place that will most likely take me,
but it's not something I can look at excitedly,
it's more of a last resort to escape this mental prison.
Never before have I regretted the grades I got in high school,
I thought B's and the occasional C was normal.
Yeah. The "normal" people here are in community college...
...in the same towns they grew up in all their lives.
That won't happen to me. I want to BREAK OUT!
Normally I'm not the religious type,
but I pray the UC admissions team will have sympathy for my case.
Or at least judge more on ACT scores than my GPA.
Then, I may have a chance.
Until I find out for sure what their decision will be,
I'm sure there will be more late-night blogs to come.